Tuesday, December 29, 2009

the time of christmas.

I have finally done it.
Thank you for the inspiration, H. I needed that gentle shove in the right direction :)
It actually is perfect timing to start, because the whole reason I have put it off for so long is because I have felt that I would have nothing to talk about. But as today we are returning home from our Christmas vacation, I have a whole week of experiences to share!

We went to Oregon and spent Christmas with E's family. It was my first time having an entire holiday celebration without any of my family, which was strange. Good, but different. For Christmas Eve, they go to a family friend's home. There, the tradition is
1] 'Twas the Night Before Christmas,
2] a story from the patriarch of the family's grandfathers journal (confusing, sorry)
3] Luke 2 and
4] lots of food and talking and laughing.

So, I think that I am coming to accept that I am an emotional person.
I could blame my mental illness, either one of my medications, my menstrual cycle, a "bad day", whatever. But really, I guess I just am touched, and therefore cry, easily.
We were in Oregon for approx 4 days, one really just spent traveling to the airport. So of those actual 3 days that we spent among family and friends, I had many experiences that I teared up and had to concentrate on not losing it, and one time where I actually did retreat to the room that was designated as ours and cried.
The touching story from the journal on Christmas eve, the home videos of E and his sibings, even sitting and watching the happiness and ease of communication of my family of in-laws.
One of the home videos showed the family having FHE, and E and his younger brother D singing along to the family night song while their mom played it on the piano. They were very young, both under 5. and they knew all the words. This is the main one that really "touched" me I guess.
I would assume that these things cause emotions in me because of my lack of such things in my own life. Even the simplest instances of families getting along, children talking openly about their lives with their parents, and parents showing interest and love in their children are enough to cause a downpour. It always is the worst when we go to Oregon though. My parents in-law are the most incredible people I have ever met, and though its been a whole year, it has also ONLY been a year, and I feel that it will take a long time before I can accept and truly feel a part of the incredible love that is felt in their home. Not that I dont think that they love me, because I absolutely do. I KNOW they do. But its still going to take practice on my part to get used to the feeling of a family that loves me so unconditionally, and doesnt judge every word that I say, and doesnt say one thing and mean another, and who actually do practice what they have always taught.

It was a wonderful, beautiful Christmas.
So cliche, but words cannot rightfully express the amounts of gratitude that I feel toward E's parents and family.