Friday, May 14, 2010

'twill be magical.

so its been a while..
I would like to apologize in advance that [most] of my blogs are random rants about my feelings on somewhat spiritual matters, but its like my mind will go on thinking tangents until I feel so strongly about something that I just need to write it down! so, I hope none of you readers mind...

The other day, I was talking to my co-worker about having children, (NO Evan and I are not planning) and one of those thinking tangents occured.

So you know when celebrities have babies? I mean I swear, every time someone does there is a magazine cover of them, with their new infant, and the title is "we've never been happier..." "the best thing that's ever happened to us..." "our little angel..." etc. and its about how they are just SOOO happy that they are parents, and having this child is the BEST thing that's ever happened to them. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about???)
ANYWAY, I do not doubt that these people do indeed truly feel these things when they have their child. I do not doubt that all of the people that I know from high school who have had unplanned children felt some of that when THEY had children. I mean, how could they not? They are holding something that was just in the presence of God. I don't care how un-spiritual or un-believing they are, they feel the magic!
The point is, I can't stand the attention they get, and how they play it off like they care sooo much when in a few years, these people WON'T be caring, and their pre-schooler will be as a pebble in their shoe and they won't give much thought (if any) to the things they are saying, teaching, showing, their children.

{I KNOW THAT BEING LDS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A PERFECT OR EVEN GOOD PARENT, NOR DOES NOT BEING LDS MAKE YOU A BAD ONE. I AM USING THIS GENERALIZATION OF MY EX-HIGH SCHOOL PEERS AND CELEBRITIES BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO HAPPEN MUCH, MUCH MORE OUT OF THESE GROUPS OF PEOPLE. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT AS YOU READ ON!}

What I am saying is, that "honeymoon" stage, if you will, of having a baby, ends. They are not infants forever. Soon, (quite soon, so I've heard,) they learn to crawl, then walk, talk, cry on command, whine, throw tantrums, talk back, lie, make their own decisions, many of which will be against what you have taught them, etc etc. I hate when people ham it up like they are so excited to have children, then as soon as the "honeymoon" stage is over, they seem to stop caring, and start to resent. Their children are an inconvenience. They want a career, or they want to go clubbing, or hang out with friends, or just be somewhere, ANYWHERE, without their children. Some hire nannies, some seek daycare, to get out of having to "deal" with their children.
I watched a movie once where a character said (paraphrasing)
"You need a license for EVERY thing...you cant put a fishing pole into a river without a license...but they'll let any jack ass become a parent."

S O O O O O true. I would imagine that the very large majority of parents do not realize, or care to realize, just how much the little things that they do affect their children. and I mean LITTLE things. The way you treat strangers at the grocery store, the lies you say to door to door salesman, the way you respond to someone cutting you off, the attitude you have when something doesnt go your way, if or how you control your temper, what you say to your significant other, the things you choose to read and watch, I mean EVERYTHING you do will affect your children.
And, I mean these people...so many of these people arent putting any thought into the things that they are doing, much less how huge of an impact it will have on their kids.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. I just feel so so strongly about how important it is for children to feel loved. To have a mother and a father, who both WILLINGLY have an active role in their lives. To be taught the things they need to be taught, so that they can grow up to be respectable, emotionally stable adults. Why do so many people take parenting so lightly? They gloat that they got pregnant, but they dont REALLY care. In a few years, they wont care about their child's progression. What teenager who has a celebrity as a parent is "well adjusted"? seriously?? Ahhhh. I just get so frustrated.

I want to be a mom so that my children can feel loved! I want my children to be able to look back on their childhoods, and know for a fact how much I love them! Honestly, I think that is the main reason. I want my children to have the knowledge that I never had: they have parents who love them; irrevocably, unconditionally, eternally.
I want my kids to know in the end that Evan and I had a plan for raising them. That we prepared, in hopes that we would raise them to be the best children of the Lord that they could possibly be during their time here.
Evan and I have had so, so many discussions about hypothetical situations concerning our future kids. If this happened, what would we do? How would we handle it? We have read books about and discussed what our goals as parents are, what kind of things we want to make sure we focus on with our kids, what rules we are going to have, etc.

In conclusion, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE A MOTHER, and it truly disgusts me when people take it so lightly.

3 comments:

  1. You have no idea how many times I have thought this exact same thing. Mine is with the context of "Why do THEY get to keep their children, and one of mine had to die?" But I agree, I want my children to know completely, irrevocably, unconditionally that I love them. I want them to know how much I appreciate them, even when they're throwing tantrums and waking up once every hour during the night.

    Very well said.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YOU GO GIRL!

    You know how I feel about being a Mom. It really is the best job in the world. DANG hard. But like my dad say, "No amount of money can replace the experiences you have with your own kids." I AGREE! I am SO SICK AND TIRED of seeing these young couples buying homes that my parents have worked so hard for 30 years to buy. "Oh ya, we're working professionals...oh no kids....blah blah blah..."

    I want to ask them...Okay tell me if waiting until you were 40 to have your 1st was a great idea.

    NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU and MISS you Tiff! (and evan lol)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tiff, you crack me up. Being a mom is great, but it is very hard, especially if you are proactive in your parenting. It takes thought and energy to try to stay one decision ahead of your children. I think too many parents think it just comes 'naturally.' It doesn't! There are a lot of parents who are 'acted upon' (as Suelen would say) by their children and get overwhelmed, which leads to all of the things you were talking about. Teaching for 6 years and spending the majority of my days with 25 little 'products' of differing parenting styles has shown me that. :) I know that I am far from being a perfect parent, there is no such thing, but Scott and I do at least put thought into our parenting, even if it comes after we've made some mistakes.

    Love you!!

    ReplyDelete