Thursday, January 13, 2011

Feeling Nostalgic

nos·tal·gia

\nä-ˈstal-jə, nə- also n-, nō-; nə-ˈstäl-\
1: the state of being homesick : homesickness
2: a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition;

For a few weeks now, I've been "on one" about: teenagers.
high schoolers, more specifically.
I hate when they come in to my work,
I hate their skanky clothes,
being unabashed about their volume of voice, obnoxious behavior, rude language, discourteous actions.
their unearned fancy phones, clothes, cars, spending money.
they are arrogant, they think the whole world is about them.
Now, I KNOW that no one in high school ever fully comprehends how LITTLE of a deal high school actually is in the grand scheme of things, because when we're there, its EVERYTHING.
and movies/music/tv always talks about how teenage years are the "best days of [a person's] life.
young love. that term is usually used to describe love that won't turn into anything, but is okay to indulge in because, well, you are YOUNG! and its okay to make mistakes, and to act crazy, and to give everything to someone that doesn't really care. I hate this logic, yet I feel like its driven more and more into the minds of teenagers with each coming generation.
When I see these kids, I feel embarrassed that I was ever their age.
because while I WAS quite aware of my voice level, I DID actually wear clothing, and DIDN'T "give it" to anyone and everyone who called me pretty, and always tried to be nice to strangers (eg measly fast food workers), I know I was annoying to older people. I did have that tunnel vision of my life, unable to comprehend how anything could be more important than what I wore to school that day. While I was willing to admit that many adults knew more about life than I did, I still was SO SURE that they didn't really understand what I was going through, because they had grown up in a different time.
When I see "kids these days" (haha, I know I'm only 20, okay, but forget that part for now :))
I remember all of the bad things about being a teenager, the things worth being embarrassed over.

But, the other night,
I listened to this song.

It was a favorite during my junior year, which is probably the year
that had the biggest impact on who I would eventually become.
It made me remember the not-so-terrible parts,
and I had truly forgotten that those existed.

this song, among others, helped me begin to understand that there really IS a world out there.
That those days someday would pass, and I would become someone.
it helped me put things into perspective.
and that while it was really hard for me to fully comprehend, who I was then would eventually only be a fraction of who I would actually grow into.
I have always been very pensive.
these songs helped put me into those thoughtful spells,
imagining the world outside of Lehi High School, which in turn
helped me grow up a little bit.
listening to that song the other night helped me remember that quiet, thoughtful part of my younger self.
it helped me remember that I wasn't just an annoying girl who screamed at people from car windows (did that) or who giggled in drive thru's (soooo annoying. just tell me what you want!) or who spent 75% of their time looking at their phone screen, texting. (I really believed that I didn't do it that much.)
I DID have admirable thoughts and feelings that helped me become who I am today.
it was just a relief to be reminded that those days were, in fact, necessary.
(No matter how flushed my face gets when I am reminded of the bad parts as kids come in to buy $2 meal deals)

2 comments:

  1. Chris and I have numerous similar conversations about teens. Ugh. But when I listen to Third Eye Blind "How's it Going to be"....I'm right back. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my, so been there. Especially when I taught high school. But, you're right, there were SOME good things and it's easier to remember those and less painful.

    ReplyDelete