Monday, March 21, 2011


Last August, our aparment complex nixed the internet in our individual apartments. We have been paying for our own since then, but decided to cancel it this last week. So, I am back to only internet access via my clubhouse, or cell phone.

The reason we cancelled it: Sacrifice.
we're cutting unnecessary things out of our budget to make a financial goal that we've set for ourselves.
a few weeks ago Evan mentioned on his facebook that "discipline sucks". I've always been aware that "doing the right thing" can be tough, but I always applied that to right and wrong. but it pretty much applies to all categories. specifically:
work out vs. not work out.
Eat healthy vs. eat crappy.
live on a realllly strict budget in order to build savings and prepare for our future vs. buy the things that we want since technically, we do have the money.
these three areas are ongoing struggles for both Evan and I.
Sometimes, I really wanna give up and just be obese! Because it seems pretty evident that just about everyone else is doing it. and it would be soooo easy. I know that no one seems to be having too hard of a time figuring out how to be fat, but I am very confident that I could accomlish it really REALLY fast! and it sure would be easier. No self control, no pushing my body until I want to cry.
I'd loooove some dessert! and I'd LOVE to sit and read/watch tv/movies/surf the internet instead of get BACK onto my feet after a 10 hour shift and work out for an hour.
I would LOVE to shop and get new clothes and shoes and furniture and an iPad and every other thing on my wishlist.
But no, instead it feels like we never even have money, like we're back to being really REALLY poor because we're putting SO much into savings so we can meet our goal and invest this summer, and have extra money built up so when we move (eventually...) we don't starve.
I knowwww it will be worth it, I would never even attempt to deny it. I know that its for the best, I know that its the right thing. and sometimes, I am actually happy and proud of us for disciplining ourselves so much.
but other times,
when I'm tired or feeling fat anyway and thinking what the heck is the point or really wanting what everybody else seems to have,
discipline. sucks.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I am feeling a little bit like Harold lately; I try to imagine the future and its like a giant blank page of endless possibilities stretched out before me, none of which I can even begin to wrap my head around as actually being attainable.

Evan still has a year (at least) left of school, so its not even that close to when we have to leave, but we've been talking a lot about:
our budget so we can build up savings and start investing,
Evan's career choices,
if we should stay here after he's done to save extra money/when we should head towards Oregon (are we even going to be able to go to Oregon?),

when will our first child come into play? before we leave, during, after?

I have still only ever lived in Utah, and Rexburg. and while it was a much easier adaption into independence after getting married than even I had anticipated, it somehow seems like we'll have to do it all over again when we leave here. I feel like anything and everything that can be considered the "next step" is going to have to happen at once.
I mean, we have been living in a 543 sq. ft. studio apartment for over 2 years, and will continue doing so for at least one more. So, even having a bedroom seems like such a far off thought, much less that combined with leaving Idaho, looking for a house, getting pregnant, Evan finding a suitable job, even buying couches and a dresser set (of which we have neither.)
I know that everyone does this eventually, but somehow it feels like our situation is so much more drastic ...(as I'm sure just about everyone feels...or is it really just me?)