Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh, the waiting game.

I think about them a lot. I have our whole marriage, actually. (I would assume that's somewhat natural? :)) Evan and I recently had our 3 year anniversary, but it wasn't until a few months ago that we ever felt like it would be a good time to consider expanding our family.
However, I would like to say that those 3 years were not wasted.
I have spent so, SO much time learning about so many different things; specifically about parenting styles, pregnancy, and labor/birth.
I have posted before about some of my thoughts on labor and delivery, and in the year and a half since that post I have only become more passionate. Maybe I'll say more in some future posts, but I'm thinking that at this point it may be best to wait until I finally have my own experience before I speak so publicly about it.

On a different but somewhat related note:

You know, it's funny how sometimes you hear things over and over from people older/more experienced than yourself, yet still somehow convince yourself that it might not be the case with you. Example, like when my parents told me that once I was out of high school, I'd realize that high school was actually a teensy blur of my life, and wasn't that big of a deal. Yeah, I knew that it wouldn't be as important once I was out, because, I mean, I'd be out, ya know? we're always more concerned about the present than we are the past...but it's not like it wouldn't even matter...
*fast forward 4 years* Yeah, SO DOES NOT MATTER LIKE I THOUGHT IT DID. Definitely a teensy blur of my life. Totally wasn't NEARLY as important as I thought it was.

Welllll, this waiting game of getting pregnant is another one of those examples. For some reason (I'm ashamed, I'm sorry!) I thought that when we stopped preventing the chance of getting pregnant, I'd be able to somehow have the attitude of "well, when it happens, it happens...if I don't get pregnant this month, it's okay..."
uhm, what the heck was I thinking???
No, I am actually like pretty much every other woman I have ever heard from who's trying to get pregnant. Each month that I don't get pregnant, it is not okay!
I mean, it's only been a few months; I'm not starting to think that it will never happen, I'm actually just realizing that I'm also like most women in the fact that uh, yeah, it DOES usually take (at LEAST) a few months!
So, really, I am just ashamed that I somehow convinced myself that I was different. I'm sorry, women of the world.

Also, based on that logic, I'm assuming that there are many others who have felt that they could have gone their whole marriage up to this point (the point of "trying") without ANY methods of prevention and not even had to worry about getting pregnant. Apparently, its not as simple as sex=babies. Movies don't tell you that there's really only about a 48 hour window of possible fertilization. *sigh*. I shall continue waiting.

*disclaimer* I am not claiming infertility. Hopefully, this quote will help explain my thoughts:
"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."
-Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower