Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh, the waiting game.

BABIES.
I think about them a lot. I have our whole marriage, actually. (I would assume that's somewhat natural? :)) Evan and I recently had our 3 year anniversary, but it wasn't until a few months ago that we ever felt like it would be a good time to consider expanding our family.
However, I would like to say that those 3 years were not wasted.
I have spent so, SO much time learning about so many different things; specifically about parenting styles, pregnancy, and labor/birth.
I have posted before about some of my thoughts on labor and delivery, and in the year and a half since that post I have only become more passionate. Maybe I'll say more in some future posts, but I'm thinking that at this point it may be best to wait until I finally have my own experience before I speak so publicly about it.

On a different but somewhat related note:

You know, it's funny how sometimes you hear things over and over from people older/more experienced than yourself, yet still somehow convince yourself that it might not be the case with you. Example, like when my parents told me that once I was out of high school, I'd realize that high school was actually a teensy blur of my life, and wasn't that big of a deal. Yeah, I knew that it wouldn't be as important once I was out, because, I mean, I'd be out, ya know? we're always more concerned about the present than we are the past...but it's not like it wouldn't even matter...
*fast forward 4 years* Yeah, SO DOES NOT MATTER LIKE I THOUGHT IT DID. Definitely a teensy blur of my life. Totally wasn't NEARLY as important as I thought it was.

Welllll, this waiting game of getting pregnant is another one of those examples. For some reason (I'm ashamed, I'm sorry!) I thought that when we stopped preventing the chance of getting pregnant, I'd be able to somehow have the attitude of "well, when it happens, it happens...if I don't get pregnant this month, it's okay..."
uhm, what the heck was I thinking???
No, I am actually like pretty much every other woman I have ever heard from who's trying to get pregnant. Each month that I don't get pregnant, it is not okay!
I mean, it's only been a few months; I'm not starting to think that it will never happen, I'm actually just realizing that I'm also like most women in the fact that uh, yeah, it DOES usually take (at LEAST) a few months!
So, really, I am just ashamed that I somehow convinced myself that I was different. I'm sorry, women of the world.

Also, based on that logic, I'm assuming that there are many others who have felt that they could have gone their whole marriage up to this point (the point of "trying") without ANY methods of prevention and not even had to worry about getting pregnant. Apparently, its not as simple as sex=babies. Movies don't tell you that there's really only about a 48 hour window of possible fertilization. *sigh*. I shall continue waiting.



*disclaimer* I am not claiming infertility. Hopefully, this quote will help explain my thoughts:
"I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have."
-Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

9 comments:

  1. Yeah, hate to say I told you so, but there is no such thing as just "not preventing." Welcome to being part of the general population of women lol. The things we do for babies!! I'm here for ya woman.

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  2. This is exciting!!!! Don't be discouraged. My friend had a baby pretty quick the first time around and now they going for #2 and it has been over a year of trying. Every. Pregnancy. Is. Different. And every woman is different. As for me, I'll be in you're shoes in a couple more months and I'm contemplating waiting longer because of all the baby making stress we had all last year. It isn't a race so just enjoy the journey. And when you do get pregnant I am sure you will be more grateful because it DID take time. With brinley it took like 24 hours to get preg, the second time was 4 months of trying which didn't work out anyways and now we have waited a year to be able to even try. I'm praying for s quick getting preg journey to put it all behind us!!!! Love ya!

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  3. I know nobody wants to hear it, but when it's your time to get pregnant you will. Dane and I made the decision to try for a baby about 7 months after we got married (fast I know, but it felt right). Less than a month after I got off birth control I was pregnant. I was convinced it would take months to get pregnant, and it only took weeks for us. I know I would have been one of those people that would have convinced myself I couldn't have kids after only a month of trying, so maybe God just knew I needed one really fast.

    Also I just read your (edited) post about deliveries and I COMPLETELY AGREE. I wish that I had been more educated about my choices, but I didn't know who to talk to or where to go for answers. I ended up having a C-section after 15 hours of labor and after pushing for a while he was just not coming out. I had a blessing and Dane and I felt it was the right decision for this baby...BUT...I desperately hope for a natural delivery with our next child. Whenever that may be. I can't even tell you how much research I have done on VBACS.

    I think it's amazing that you have put your time and effort into researching your options. I wish I had known more when I had Milo.

    Long post :) haha. But I love you!

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  4. That's really funny to hear you say that... I come from a family where you THINK about getting pregnant and suddenly you are. I've got a 7 day window where I'm fertile, I kid you not! It's all fine and dandy, but I do promise you that being super fertile is as much of a curse as it is a blessing. I adore my children, but the one I'm pregnant with is the only one that was planned and the other two were very much surprises that I was not ready for. Good luck with the getting pregnant! Try not to stress it though. It'll happen! And good for you for waiting a few years before having babies. We got pregnant right away (though like I said, we never intended it to be that way) and I think my marriage would have started off a lot better had we had a few years alone before super hormonal Adrienne showed her face. ANYWAYS! Good luck and if you wanna talk baby, I'm all ears since I LOVE BABIES!

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  5. I love your perks of being a wallflower quote :) I think charlie and I share a brain sometimes.

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  6. Thank you so much for your lovely comments, ladies! I sincerely appreciate each of them <3

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  7. girl. i cant wait for you to have babies. the day will come. loved the perks quote!

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  8. that quote is so PERFECT. when we were struggling to get pregnant, so was brad's older brother and his wife. for the same amount of time, it was crazy. anyways, every time we would touch on the subject of our infertility my MIL would downplay it and say, "oh but sherrie is so much older than you. she doesn't have as much time" that's great, but i'm still struggling here! or they'd ignore it, which still wasn't fun. it hurts to have your feelings (especially on the emotions of getting/being pregnant) be completely ignored or downplayed just because someone else has it worse.

    it's hard to wait, but hang in there!! from my crazy experience of having kids, the plan is definitely not in our hands :)

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  9. Yes, telling someone who is hurting that someone else is hurting worse....just doesn't help. I'm sure with all the research you do about things you've probably heard of it, but have you tried tracking your basal body temperature? http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ It can help you pinpoint when you ovulate and whether or not there are any cycle issues. I was using it to prevent before we tried for Allison, and she came on the first try.

    Anyway, best of luck to you! I have a lot of friends who have had a lot of struggles with them and it can be so sad to watch their heartache. I hope that this time ends up being but a moment too.

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